The other day I wrote on the idea that writing about writers block can be a useful tool to get past the initial barriers and mental blocks that can stop you from writing. I thought, 'ok great, this is going to help kick start me into writing daily again', and that night I went to sleep pretty stoked to jump back in and try to get on a streak of writing.
But then, as so often happens, my motivation to write, the gut desire, the urge to speak, was annoyingly absent yesterday. It's on those days that I just don't know where to start or begin, so then I end up on days like today writing about how writing about not being able to write kept me from being able to write and then here we are. It's maddening, you know?
I suppose there must be some value in simply writing about whatever is going on, hell this is what I was advocating for the other day! But it can feel so forced, or... childish - like the only thing you have to say is how you have nothing to say; and I am a person who is staunchly against speaking for speakings sake. I strive to be as concise, insightful and thoughtful, and something about this mess feels like the antithesis of that.
Maybe I just need to write more about my days, or include writing I do for other things (research, emails?, text messages?) or maybe I just need to clarify what writing 200 words a day means to me. What am I trying to get out of this practice? Is it just to write, to get better at it, to use new words, to explore new ideas, to reflect, to journal, be journalistic, antagonistic, political, philosophical? That's probably what is really missing from this formula: the why.
Getting to the core of why you do something usually unveils a motivation that is bright and powerful, something you can tap into and very easily identify. Not some vague idea of wanting to write just because, but an actual motivation and viewpoint that I can tap into repeatedly and use a source of energy and power.
So I'll probably be writing about that in the coming days, just fyi for whoever is interested and gets to this point of my inane rant.