How many times have you answered "Fine, I'm just tired" or "okay" when someone asks you how you are, secretly hiding that you are struggling?
I find myself doing it quite often these days. I have so many juggling balls in the air at once, dropping my focus on one means everything comes crashing down. I wonder if my wife or friends know how I am really feeling. I feel I am quite a good liar and have become and expert at hiding my true feelings.
I know that we should be able to talk about our feelings openly, that it is the "manly" thing to do and that mental health issues are more commonplace now (or more openly admitted and discussed). But it is a hard thing to do.
I have a feeling that "if I stop, everything stops". I have to push on through no matter how bad I feel or how I can feel my brain flesh crawling at the thought of people coming over or having to organise something "simple".
I am not sure where I fit in to everything today. Everything seems pointless and stupid. The same programs come on the TV, the same things keep happening day after day. My life feels a bit like Groundhog Day sometimes.
But I have to remember. I didn't have a great sleep. I ran 5k yesterday, walked 11k the day before and ran the day before that too. Maybe I am just tired.
Probably time for another coffee.