If you were not of the unfortunate few to tune into last night's National Football League championship game between the New England Patriots (who I detest with all of my sports-loving heart) and the Los Angeles Rams (who I thought would lose, but prayed would put up a bit of a fight), please allow me to provide a brief recap. What you essentially missed was what can only be described as one of the most boring sporting events of all time; unless, of course, you are a fan of staunch defensive football, seemingly endless punts, special teams coverage and matches bereft of scoring. A contest, I've decided to affectionately rename the Snoozer Bowl. The score was a paltry 0-0 after the first quarter, 3-0 after the second, a wild 3-3 at the end of three and a resounding 13-3 when the final whistle was blown. Nowhere near a barn burner; hell not even a smouldering flame in a dog house. The aforementioned LA Rams who, during the regular season, boasted one of the most explosive offences in the league took offensive ineptitude to a whole 'nother level. Up until the fourth quarter, they had less total offensive production than New England wide receiver Julian Edelman (who I likewise developed a deep-seated loathing for after he has time and again helped lead the Patriots to Super Bowl victories.) Here is the Rams final pathetic drive chart: punt, punt, punt, punt, punt, punt, punt, punt, field goal, punt, interception, missed field goal. In an almost cruel twist of fate, Rams' kicker Johnny Hekker's punts actually set a record for being the longest ever kicked in a Super Bowl. A punt which will surely go down in infamy. In all, the Rams trotted out a JuggerNOT!
Even the half-time show was a dud as aging Maroon 5 frontman, Adam Levine, first displayed a painful lack of coordination or rhythm when accompanying rapper Travis Scott and then later removed his shirt to reveal an awkwardly tattooed upper body. Even my lovely bride, who expected the half-time to be the highlight of the otherwise brutal match, had to look away in disgust.
The NFL certainly cannot be pleased with the current incarnation of this formerly illustrious sporting spectacle, as it contends with so many other sources of entertainment, particularly for the younger demographic, who only one night prior were ALL tuned in to one of the largest Fortnite events ever held. By comparison, overnight TV ratings for the game were apparently the lowest since 2009. This may be in part due to a little bit of Patriot fatigue (i.e. why can't they just stop winning for a change.) Regardless the reason, Commissioner Roger Goodell, the team owners and their hired marketing minds have their work cut out for them if they hope to get those eyeballs back, because last night debacle may just be the prelude to a very uncertain future for the once big game.